Heavy Bones

Hello! Spring! Equinox!!!

Mar 23, 2023

I weigh more in the winter. I don’t know if I physically put on more weight. I don’t own a scale. But as a whole person, I know that I weigh more. My emotions feel heavier, my thoughts are heavier, even my bones feel heavier in my body. When it’s cold out, my body aches. I feel like there’s a magnet inside of me that drags me to the Earth’s core. Some days that magnet pulls me straight to my bed. It’s hard to move when your bones feel heavy and it’s even harder to get moving when you don’t move.

But the sun came out in Portland last week and I could feel the city defrost. People were out and about. Flowers were blooming. Things felt alive again.

I value my winter because it’s a time of rest. Like most people and bears, I go into my own version of hibernation but I realize I don’t have a great way of waking up. Sometimes I hibernate myself into a little hole and I’m learning that I need a way to crawl out; an exit plan.

I’m trying to wake myself up gently. There’s a version of me that exists who has the energy to be social and busy and productive. I like that version of me. I’m in no rush to get to her right now but I know that I need to start moving if I’m going to get there eventually.

Here’s my work-in-progress-gentle-wakeup-winter-exit-plan:

Massage. First order of business: help the heavy bones. I needed to be defrosted to come back to life just like the city needed to be. I spent the morning at a spa soaking, did a cold plunge and read in the steam room. My body ached a little less.

I finished my morning with a massage. I asked for extra attention on my neck, shoulders, jaw and stomach. We know that emotions take up physical space in our bodies. I hold my anxiety in my stomach and my stress everywhere else. I needed to melt away that tension to feel grounded again.

Massage is so powerful. I always leave feeling more present in my own body. You walk differently when you don’t have tension. You move through the world differently. Book a massage or give yourself a little massage. You might be surprised at how much tension we hold in places like our jaw without even realizing it.

Movement. When winter started I froze my yoga membership, cancelled pilates and stopped going to the gym. Part of my gentle wakeup is getting back into feeling excited about moving my body. (Emphasis on gentle!) I’m loving walks and slowly getting back into yoga. It helps my brain which helps my body. In the end, we only have one.

Potions. I can’t commit to a full blown 15-step routine and I don’t think I want that anyway. An achievable step has been taking my pre and probiotics in the mornings and drinking magnesium at night. Taking my pills and mixing my drink feels easy and fun. I take one thing in the morning and one thing before bed. It’s easy to get off track but it’s even easier to get back on. I’m loving (needing) simplicity lately.

Even if it goes back to being gray, I think I’ll be okay. The little tease of spring is what I needed to get through the rest of the winter.

In the meantime, I’ll be taking my time to defrost. These heavy bones are ready to feel light again.

Take care.

xx, K